Many of us have scars. Some are internal, and some are visible. Bad things have happened to us. People and institutions have wounded us deeply. And many of us walk around under a heavy blanket of shame due to the awful experiences we have endured. But in the past five years, during recovery from my […]
I’m a pastor, and I once attempted suicide because my brain has an illness that is no different from heart disease or cancer. I require medication to function as normally as possible, and I have to visit a specialist to keep track of my progress. I’m writing about this because the stigma surrounding mental illness, […]
Episode 006, featuring “Ask the Expert” with Sarah Fader, is all about recovery from a suicide attempt and suicide prevention. This episode is for the person who loves someone who longs to die. This is for the caregiver who feels stuck. Someone you care about is suffering with a mental illness so much that they […]
In Episode 4, Steve Austin shares about the hardest decision he ever made. Abuse, addiction, and a suicide attempt weren’t the end of Steve Austin’s story. In fact, a suicide attempt is where Steve’s life began. From Pastor to a Psych Ward is a new, 13-episode serial podcast – the audio version of the Amazon best-selling book […]
“If we don’t have a theology that embraces mental illness, our God is too small.” —William Paul Young, author of The Shack I was a pastor when I nearly died by suicide. I was 28 years old, married five years, and the proud father of a tiny baby boy. No one saw it coming (usually […]
According to the Miami Herald, 14-year-old Nakia Venant hanged herself in the wee hours of the morning on January 24th, while broadcasting her suicide on Facebook Live. Less than a month before that, Katelyn Davis, a 12-year-old from Georgia, killed herself during another live broadcast. Each news report shows the image of a beautiful young […]
Those who found me thought it was a murder scene. Apparently the pink Benadryl pills, along with the tens of thousands of other milligrams of prescriptions and over-the-counter medications I took, made it look like blood. They thought I was dead and I should have been. I wanted to be. I had been unconscious nearly twelve hours.
The one flash I have of coming to was being transferred by the medical personnel from the gurney to the hospital bed. Everything was colored white except the navy of the nurse’s scrubs. I’m assuming it was in the ER.
I remember them cutting my clothes off and it was all like a nightmare. I couldn’t respond but I remember them counting, 1…2…3… before lifting me up and over. And what emotion do I remember from that? Shame. Ashamed of being naked. I had never been more vulnerable.